TIPS FOR SURVIVORS OF SUICIDE

• Remember the basics of life - eat, sleep, exercise, drink plenty of water, and breathe ... just sit back a few times a day and take a deep breath.
• Allow yourself your feelings - feelings are not “good” or “bad.” They are just feelings, and they are ALL normal.
• Keep a journal - write your feelings, your dreams, and your memories. Journaling is a great way to work out your emotions, and it allows you to look back later to see how far you've come.
• Allow yourself to talk about your loved one. Find a safe place to do just that...whether you call a friend, speak with your pastor, or join a support group.
• Remember that you have suffered a great loss and a horrific trauma. Allow yourself the time you need to heal.  Also, remember individuals deal with loss in their own way, in their own time.
• Find special ways to honour the memory of your loved one - plant a tree, make a memory album, donate money in their name, light a candle on their birthday...whatever works for you, do it!
• Learn more about suicide. Read books, surf the web, talk to other survivors. survivors of suicide are in a high-risk group for taking their own lives. Learn the warning signs; decide on a plan of action with family members; make a pact with a friend. If you are having thoughts of suicide, tell someone and find help. Stop the legacy of suicide in your family. 

Comforting a Suicide Survivor

“Do List”

• Give them time, love and understanding.
• Remember that individuals grieve in their own way, in their own time frame. Give them the space they need to grieve, and don't try to rush them.
• Encourage them to talk about what they are feeling or thinking, and to express their grief.
• Offer ideas and not advice. Let them decide what they want to do and when.
• Help them to not feel guilty for taking care of themselves - remind them to get a lot of sleep, eat regularly, and drink plenty of water, exercise.
• Pay attention to their loved ones in the following months. Survivors are often hyper vigilant” - afraid to lose someone else. Help them to understand that these feelings are natural. Assure them that they are not alone in watching out for their loved ones.
• Listen when they want to talk about their loved one who died by suicide - you may be the only person urging them to do so.
• Encourage them to find a support group. Being with people who have experienced similar losses is a good idea. These groups can be found by calling your local crisis centre or checking online at www.pipsproject.com

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“Don't” List

• Don't assume you know best, or how they feel.
• Don't make comparisons to your own losses.
• Don't tell them how they “should” feel, or try to change their feelings. Feelings are unique to each individual. There is no such thing as a good or bad feeling - they are just "feelings", and we all have them.
• Don't tell them this was God's will or preach to them. They will draw strength from their own faith, if that is important to them.
• Don't give them your pills or personal medications.
• Don't change the subject if they want to talk about their loved one.
• Don't take over their responsibilities unless they ask you to do so.
• Don't stop visiting them or calling them.
• Don't alter their loved one's room or belongings. They can do that in their own time, and they may consider making such changes to be their own special project.
• Don't point out the fact that they have other children, if they lost a child. Each individual and each relationship is unique.
• Don't add to their feelings of grief and guilt by pointing out things that should have been done differently 
  

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